It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize