Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
