you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
