i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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