I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
