I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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