all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
worst night to have a conscience
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
