cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize