and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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