I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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