Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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