True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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