I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
