why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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