I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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