You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
