Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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