This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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