Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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