My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize