Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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