I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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