Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
