after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
