my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
