It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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