Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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