But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sorry my hands just texted you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
