Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
