kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
