nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
