I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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