i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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