hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
