If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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