She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
