I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
