You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
