Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
