The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
