i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
