Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
