He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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