literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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