whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
