is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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