I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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