he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
