In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Actions speak louder than pants.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
