I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I will be naked everywhere
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
