My liver just broke up with me...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
