i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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