I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
