when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
