how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
