We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
