Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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