I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
