cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
