Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so let's talk penis.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
