i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
