It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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