just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
