So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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