so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
