Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
