You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
