so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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