I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
