I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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