That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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