Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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