Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
