Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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