His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
