His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
